Pain can improve. Your life can improve. There is one secret sauce that can help push that along and that is believing it can happen.
Change does not happen without BELIEF. Some people might even say hope, but, as I recently learned, hope can be negatively charged. Hope can evoke a sense of toxic positivity. Hope as defined by Merriam-Webster is (verb): to cherish a desire with anticipation : to want something to happen or be true. Yes, we can take hope with us when we are looking for change, but to believe change is possible is a level up.
Belief in something is the ultimate. Of course, I have to add in Merriam-Webster’s definition again: a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing. To truly believe that change is possible is affirming that change is possible. It is not a toxic positivity. It is accepting that life if fluid and change can happen.
Positive or negative change can happen, and depending on our focus will depend on what we see. If you are always looking for the negative outcomes you will always see them. What went wrong will overshadow anything that went right. Yes, you may take note, but your focus is on the pitfalls. This is not to say we should ignore the pitfalls; we absolutely should take note of them. We should not ignore the wins, the traction, the positives.
Life is a pendulum of positives and negatives, and so is healing. We will have rough days. We will have days we want to give up. We will have days where it feels like everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. And those days are tough; sometimes those days are more frequent that we would like.
Then we have wins, big and small. We are always looking for the big wins and often ignore the small ones. You are able to hit a PR in a lift, you run farther than you ever have, you checked off all the boxes on your to-do list. But what about those little wins? Those wins on those hard days? You fell asleep easier, you didn’t realize your pain as soon as you woke up, you checked off one thing (or even a half thing) on your to-do list.
All these are wins and they should be celebrated, not half celebrated, fully celebrated. Not every day is easy. Not every day is a PR. Some days are a ‘I made it through,’ day. And that’s a win. You don’t need to celebrate it in the moment. You can have an adult tantrum about it and celebrate later. Just don’t ignore that you are doing it day in and day out. You are here, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and people are so grateful to have you. I’m so grateful you are here.
Embrace the chaos that can be life. Feel all your feels. Find people that will support you on your worst days and your best days.